The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
