C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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