the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
