it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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