one word: firstdatebathroomanal
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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