I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
