What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
