I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
