pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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