Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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