The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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