i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
