We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
