You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
