Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
