Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
