so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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