I only kidnapped one of them. chill
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
