you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
