this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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