Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
