You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
