that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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