i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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