Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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I need you to use more vowels.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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