"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
