I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
