Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
