Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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