How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
