I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
