fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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