Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
