he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
