and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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