there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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