just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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