she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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