i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
