Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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