I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
