I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
