just survived the first fart of the relationship.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
