ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
