If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
