there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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