All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
