Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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