I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
