We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
